Surviving School Holidays While Navigating Betrayal Trauma: Parenting and Healing Series
The summer holidays can be an especially confronting time for mothers navigating betrayal trauma. Already grappling with profound emotional pain, preoccupation, and a distorted sense of reality, you’re also expected to show up for others: children who rely on you not just for their basic needs but for emotional regulation and stability. When your emotional reserves are depleted, the demands of caregiving can feel impossible. Add to this the complexities of potentially co-parenting with the person who has caused such harm, and the weight of the season can feel heavy. For many, the added juggle of work and parenting during the school holidays leaves little time and energy for self-care and healing.
Navigating this can feel like walking a tightrope, balancing your needs and your children’s. It’s okay to feel stretched thin, to grieve the loss of the energy and presence you wish you could bring. This piece offers some ideas and suggestions. Take what feels helpful, and if nothing else, take away gentleness for yourself and this time of year.
1. Rethink Self-Care as Self-Maintenance
When life feels heavy, the idea of “self-care” can feel like another task on an endless to-do list. Instead, think of self-maintenance - small, consistent actions that keep you grounded throughout the day.
Take ten-minute resets every couple of hours—step outside, practise deep breathing, or enjoy a quiet moment with your coffee or tea.
2. Adjust Your Expectations
The holidays are often laden with expectations of fun, togetherness, and activities. It’s okay to reassess and adjust. What’s realistic for you this summer? What can you let go of to reduce stress?
Simplify plans with easy activities like backyard picnics, local walks, games, movie afternoons, or simple crafts with the kids. Reducing the pressure can make daily life feel more manageable.
3. Think Outside the Box to Fill Your Cup
Sometimes, reconnecting with your own inner child can create joy. Think of yourself at your children’s age—what did you find fun or joyful? Is there a part of you that still would?
For teens: Movies, arcades, roller skating, or shared playlists.
For younger children: Dancing, baking, cooking, or simple crafts.
Consider organised activities like pottery or plaster painting or create similar experiences at home.
Take a beach or nature walk, collect shells or leaves, and enjoy shared moments outdoors.
Shared experiences can be grounding for both you and your children. Even small efforts to participate in their world can ease the weight of the season and your hurt. While it may feel challenging to get everyone out of the house, often a change of environment can create the internal shift you didn’t realise you needed.
4. Supporting Yourself While Supporting Your Children
When children are dysregulated, our natural tendency is to focus on calming them. But if you’re overwhelmed, taking a moment to check in with yourself first can make all the difference.
Ask yourself: “What do I need right now to feel supported and safe?”
Build daily grounding habits to reduce overwhelm: Take a short nature walk, let your children join yoga stretches or lie on the floor with them and feel the calming connection of touch and hugs.
Practise slow breathing or name your feelings aloud: “I feel overwhelmed, but I’m taking a moment to breathe.”
It’s okay if this feels hard. Holding space for yourself and your children when you’re emotionally depleted is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting. By acknowledging your own needs, you’re not only modelling self-regulation and care but creating opportunities for co-regulation with your children.
5. Seek Small Joys and Let Go of Perfection
In the chaos of summer holidays, small moments of joy can be grounding. They don’t need to be elaborate to be impactful.
Enjoy an ice-block, laugh at a silly joke, or snuggle for a favourite movie.
These small moments remind you that joy and pain can coexist, and that it’s okay to embrace moments of lightness even during difficult times.
6. Reach Out When You Need Support
It’s okay to need help. Even small forms of support can make a difference.
Check out local libraries for free programs or play cafés where kids can have fun while you savour a coffee.
Swap babysitting with a trusted friend or explore community activities.
Reach out to online groups or a therapist who understands betrayal trauma.
These are just a few suggestions to get you started. If you'd like more tailored support, please reach out here.